Journal Entry #7
July 8, 2006 -- As some of you may have noticed, I removed the "latest news" off of this page for a week in order for people who view this site for whatever purpose, can see some inspirational words that hopefully will leave a mark within their soul.  The messages now rotate below the LATEST NEWS header on the main page so that they can inspire and remind people all the time of the little things that need to be done to succeed not only on the field, but in life.

So with that, I move on.  I move on to my feelings.  As I once said over three years ago, I write this journal as a therapeutic release of my inner most feelings about my team and it's current state.  I mentioned once before that I hoped that I wouldn't offend anyone but sometimes it's just impossible to avoid.  That's nature. 

There are many things I want to write about.  Some things I really can't talk about yet and some other's are just food for thought.  So since I really can't talk about some things just yet, here's some food for thought.

In case you haven't noticed, and it would take a blind person not to have noticed, the previous journal was very short.  It actually came out that way because it is an unfinished journal.  But in the time that I started and then tried to get back to it, I lost my original train of thought and decided to leave it as is. But I do want to elaborate on the main idea of that journal.  What has happened to the Miami-Dade Mets?

Many things come to mind.  Some ideas are ridiculous and some are feasible.  But whatever the problem is, I believe in my heart that it is something that can be fixed.  But, it can only be fixed by the people that have broken it.  Last week, I had those inspirational messages posted all over the main page.  One in particular was about goals. "When people work together as one, the dream of achieving a goal can become a reality."  According to everyone on this team, they have the same goal in mind and that is to win the SFBL Championship.  To win it all.  We all agree that we have the talent.  We all agree that we have depth at pitching enough to win it.  We all believe that we have the offensive power to be dominant.  But somewhere beneath the words and emotions and commentary, lies a fractured spirit.  What I hear is that we all want to win, but what happens on the field is not that.  What happens in the minds of some of our players is different than what they tell me.

"In order to achieve your goals, one must climb to new heights and overcome unforeseen obstacles." This team has built its own obstacles in front of itself and it's very disheartening to me to see what has become of what I consider player for player, the best team in this league.  The goals may be the same, but the attitude to achieve those goals has changed.  So very true, so very sad.

This team is splintered.  When a bone breaks, it takes time to heal.  Do we have time as a team for it to heal?  I don't think so.  I think time is running out on this team.  The season is not running out, but time is running out.  Who knows what will become of this team after this season.  I'll never give on a game, a player or a season.  I'm the manager.  For me to do that means for me to accept defeat and pack it in.  I only stop when the last out is called.  But for some players on this team, they have already given up.  They have already packed it in for the season.  They are just going thru the motions and finishing out the season in hopes of a better tomorrow.  Those players will tell you to your face that they haven't given up or that they aren't just "going thru the motions" but they are.  It's noticeable.  It's sad.

But there are still many that aren't going thru the motions.  There are a few who still care.  Who care enough to show up ready and prepared to play.  It reflects in their numbers and in their play.  I don't have to worry about players like them.  I just plug them in and they go.  I love them.  I truly love them, as players and as people because they are real.  They are true and their spirit is true.  Some others?  Well, to the naked eye it may not be obvious, but to myself, who has seen it all before, it's noticeable.  It's very obvious.  That's ok.  The season will end and the team will move on.  With or without them, it will move on.  As a manager, I want to move on with them because of their talent.  As a person, I don't have a definitive answer.  A Dean from several years ago would have said to Hell with them a long time ago, but the Dean of the present wants to hold on to what he can and try and mend it.  I'm at a crossroads and a coin flip will not help me.  My instinct will.

So, I am proposing a challenge.  A challenge to those who say they still want to win and want to win with this team.  Show me.  Show me you care.  Show me that you want to do it.  Show me that you are not what I think you have become.  It won't take much to show me.  I'll notice it.  Most of the team won't, but I will.  So show me.  I dare you.  Step up your game.  Show the rest of the team you have what it takes to win.  We will all benefit from it.  You.  Me.  The team.  All of us.  What do you have to lose?  Nothing.  If you step it up a notch, it helps the end product of a victory.  If you don't, then you've given me all the answers I need.  Thank you very much.

"Having desire means to play with a passion and love unmatched by anyone else in the game." Damn that's powerful.  I love this game.  I love to play it, to manage it, to watch it.  Not many people can say that.  I can.  I may not have the skills that others have, but my passion for the game is unmatched by most everyone that plays it in this league.  This website is a testament to that.  The depth and detail of this site is unmatched by anyone else out there.  Show me anyone who is even close and I will bow my head.  The desire to play this game by some of the players on this team has begun to wane.  It's become a chore for some of us.  Why bother?  Do you really hate coming out on Sunday to play a child's game week?  Isn't that why you signed up in the first place?  What happened?  Some may say that I happened. 

By that I mean, some people have grown tired of me.  They feel my philosophies and strategies are not in agreement with theirs so they would rather just finish out the season and do something else after it's over.  Personally, those people who complain about my philosophies are not managers in this league or they want to manage in this league.  I say that because if they are complaining, they think they can do better and/or they have they have the ability to manage the egos and attitudes better than me.  Good luck.

I proved to myself and to several other people on this team, that I can manage.  When I allowed Todd to manage the team for one game, he lost respect of some of the players in less time than it took for Russ to strikeout on three pitches.  He doesn't believe that, but I know what I saw and what people have said to me since that day.  Sorry Todd, the worst thing to do is lose control of the clubhouse and that's what you did.  You found out that it's not that east to "manage" egos and pride.  I do it all the time.  I've been doing it for 11 years now.  It's not easy.  It takes a special touch to be able to speak to a player and get out the best in him every Sunday.  I don't always succeed.  But most of the time I do. 

So as I wrote that last paragraph, it hit me.  I now know the reason why the team is splintered.  The players that bought into my ideas and philosophies several seasons ago are now opting out.  They are now not believing the ideas.  They are not buying into the philosophies.  It's a shame.  They say that the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts.  The whole of this team in it's current roster state is much better than the sum of it's parts.  Though I don't want to prove it.  It's never too late to become whole again. 

Journal Entry #6
June 22, 2006 -- This past March, I assembled what I considered the best team I have ever put together.  But it's falling apart.  Right before my eyes it's falling apart.  The team unity that I spoke about last week is still not there.  This is a team that the nucleus for has been together for 2 plus seasons and yet, right now we are playing as if we just met each other.  What has happened?

Journal Entry #5
June 15, 2006 --  I won't make excuses.  I know how much Todd hates when I make excuses.  I even started writing a journal last week, but I left my laptop on and didn't save my work and the battery died.  Ok, so that's one excuse.  But it's the truth and not an excuse.  However you want to look at it, I haven't written in some time and I finally really have something to talk about.

I'm happy to see that some players are starting to be themselves again after a tumultuous start to the season.  It's took them the first half, but they've begun to turn it around.  It's good to see, especially as we head into the home stretch of the season.  All games are a must now and we need everyone on the same page.  Which brings to mind many of the things that I read about on a daily basis.

To be perfectly honest, I read the New York Sports Papers every single day.  Or more specifically, I read the NY Sports pages that are dedicated to stories regarding the Mets on a daily basis.  In season, off season, post season.  Every day.  The New York Post.  The Daily News.  New York Newsday.  The Bergen County Record.  New Jersey dot com. and Mets.com.  I read them all.  Many times they have very similar articles and very similar angles.  Other times they have independently different news stories.  Either way, I read them all.  I read ESPN.com.  I read Sportsline.com.  I read CNN.com.  I read a lot of articles on a daily basis.  With all this sports reading, I absorb some of the knowledge that beat writers, columnists and former players convey in their words to the reader. 

Some offer insight.  Joe Morgan, Harold Reynolds, and many of the ESPN Baseball Tonight crew offer incredible insight into the game.  I read it.  I listen to it.  I understand it.  One of the things that I have been reading about since Spring Training has been how Willie Randolph has preached unity.  He has preached that no one is bigger  than the team.  No one is bigger than the game.  That each and every player on the team must pick up their teammates.  In baseball there is no such thing as an undefeated season.  There is no such things as "perfection" when it comes to wins and losses and prefect games are one of the hardest things to do in baseball.  It's harder than the cycle.  It's harder than the no-hitter.  It's harder than triple plays.

But going back to the issue, team unity is a must for team to win.  It doesn't mean that we must hang out after games.  It doesn't mean we have to be friends outside of the diamond.  It means that from the time the first pitch is thrown and the time the last out is recorded, the 15 players on our roster MUST play as ONE team with ONE goal in mind.  And to be perfectly open with everyone reading this, this team has been a little selfish at times.  From players not running out fly balls to players not running hard on the bases to players not taking defensive practice because they want their pre-game batting practice.  Those things irk the living crap out of me.  I'll be open with you.  I've "watched" a few of my hits this season.  One I though was a home run.  It hit the fence.  I watched it.  I ended up with a singe for it.  I've made some base running blunders.  None have been game breakers, but I'm guilty. 

But it doesn't mean that I don't put in my effort.  I put more into the mental part of this game than anyone on this team.  I'm thinking about things constantly.  But to show up to a game and not take defensive practice because you want to take BP just 15 minutes before the game is unacceptable to me.  And then the audacity to ask me to give you some grounders.  If you so needed the BP, then get to the field early and warm up early and then hit your BP BEFORE it's MY time to prepare the team.  Those last 15-20 minutes before the game belong to ME, the team manager.  That time is for me to prepare my team for the coming game.  Is that too hard to understand.  This is not an individual game.  No one player can win this game of baseball by himself.  It's impossible.  You as an offensive force can affect the outcome of the game, but in the end, it is impossible to be victorious by yourself.

Another thing that bugs me is the lack of effort on some people when it comes to running the bases.  If you don't want to run the bases when it's your time, I'll get a runner for you.  I won't think twice about it.  If you don't feel like sliding, if you don't feel like running, not jogging, running to the next base, let me know.  It's not a big thing.  But if you don't want to change, then please do me a favor. DO NOT demand the same of your teammates.  I do not want to see you show up your teammates because they didn't get a dying blooper in front of them.  Don't bark from the field that they didn't out in their best effort to get to a ball if you are not going to put your best effort to get to the next base. 

Everything goes hand in hand.  Victories.  Team unity.  Sacrifice.  Each is connected with the success of a team and each is dependent on the other in order to survive.  Do we have what it takes to put our egos aside?  Do we have what it takes to step it up?  Do we have what it takes to win it all?

Journal Entry #4
April 19, 2006 -- So I am finally able to write again.  I haven't had the desire to write anything because of the many things that have happened over the past few weeks on the field.  But that's all in the past now.  Can't change.  We all just have to live with what happened an move on.  It's the moving on part that some people have a problem with.

The problem is doubt.  Something like what happened two weeks ago creates doubt.  Some people live with it and some people are absorbed by it.  They deal with doubt and are able to live their lives as normal as possible.  Other's let it consume them.  It eats away at their very soul and they are never able to rise to the next level.  Doubt is what separates the winners from the non-winners.  It's what makes pitchers lose their edge.  It's what makes hitters step in the bucket or swing at crap pitches.  It turns a destined to be a HR to a weak fly ball. 

Doubt in one's abilities is a handicap of your abilities.  You can never rise to the occasion if you doubt yourself.  When I take the mound and pitch, I cannot have doubt in my abilities, because if I do, I'm not worth a damn to anyone on that field.  If I didn't feel like I could go out there and beat any team on any day, I wouldn't take the mound.  I know I don't have the best stuff.  I know I'm not going to blow anyone away with my fastball (yes, that's what I call it) and I know that I throw slow, slower and "can't get much slower than that."  But it's my ability to go out there and force batters to hit MY pitch that makes me the pitcher that I am.

I know this team has more talent than most of the teams that we face.  But there are times when they doubt themselves.  When they don't is when we shine.  We doubted ourselves against the Nationals and we didn't play well.  After a while it didn't matter anymore, but at first, it is what caused some of the early faltering.  This week, we face another tough pitcher and a team that is revamped from the one we've seen the past two seasons.  We cannot take the Miami Red Sox for granted.  We do that and we might as well go home and take a loss.  That's not what I'm about.  That's not what this season is about.  This season is about goals and achieving them.  We do not have many options.  It's win or lose, but losing is not an option.

I set a goal that we must win at least 10 games this season.  That's pretty nice.  I want to keep that goal.  I don't see why not with the hitting talent that we have and the deep pitching staff that we have.  That's not to say we are going to run away with the league.  There will be close games and there will be come from behind victories, but they will be just that, victories.  We have the talent, we have the ability and we have the desire.  Now we must prove it.

Journal Entry #3
March 29, 2006 -- Anytime you put your feelings on paper or in print or in public for all the world to see, you are going to take criticism.  You're going to take some ribbing from friends and strangers are going to wonder about your psyche.  That's ok though.  Because if you get to know me, then you will understand that I am an emotional guy who gives everything he has all the time now matter what I'm doing.  It's the way I've always been.  Since I was a little kid who bowled twice a week competitively until I was 21 until now, I've always been outspoken about my abilities, whether good or bad.

So after getting some fun ribbing by Steve Medina from the Kendall Reds before this past Sunday's game, I understood that I am cared about in one way or another.  People read my column and people sometimes feel my pain or just laugh at my expense.  That's ok.  I do this as a release and it's a very good one for me.  As much as I've been thru in the last two months, I'm surprised I haven't' written more.  But then again, I wasn't in the mood either.

But now I am and after a win like Sunday's, I feel very confident in my team and myself.  Basically what I am saying is: I'M BACK BABY!!!!!

The sourpuss, always mad and depressed Dean is no more.  Back is the confident, outspoken, somewhat arrogant, flamboyant Dean.  I'm not taking anyone's crap anymore.  From home plate to centerfield, from corner to corner, I'm a brand new man.  And with that comes the walk.  In this league and in life, in order to talk the talk, you need to walk the walk.  Or as they say in Pro Wrestling "In order to be the man, you gotta beat the man."  We are not the men.  So that means we must beat the men.  We have our work cut out for us, but it's not unattainable.  To me, this league is wide open and we're going to be in the thick of things.  We have our goals and we have our focus.

Next stop...Miami Mets, Coral Gables

Public Apology
March 24, 2006 -- It has come my attention that I may have offended various individuals on the team because of the journal posted this week.  The journal I posted this week was out of frustration and disappointment over what I feel was a lack of effort by the team as a whole.  However I felt, I should have approached it in a different way.  Therefore I am issuing a public apology to those I offended with my words.  In the future I will take into account the feelings and emotions of the players on this team more carefully and address these issues on an individual basis.  If you were offended by what was written, please contact me at your earliest convenience and I will speak with you regarding this issue.

Journal Entry #2
March 21, 2006 -- Well I'm beginning to think that my team has given up.  That maybe the taste of the playoffs was good enough for most of them.  Sunday's disappointing turnout to practice is a telling sign as to what people think about this team.  There are some with excuses and some without.  There are some who wanted to make it and some who flat out just skipped it.  You know what?  Do I care?  No.  I've been thru this before.  I've seen this happen before.  I'm used to it.  Why should I care of no one else does?  Why should I get up early on a Sunday morning to make sure I get to practice on time if other peope won't?   Hell, maybe I won't show up on time for the game to see what happens when there are no baseballs and no helmets and no lineup. 

But what would that do?  Not much.  It won't change anyone.  It won't make someone come on time or show up to practice.  It is just an immature way of telling someone that they affected you and this is the result.  So I say screw them.  I'm going to show up on time.  I'm going to care.  I'm going to put in my best effort.  But those people who don't show up for practice and don't show up on time for the game, let me explain something to you: Don't expect anything.  Don't expect to be in the lineup.  Don't expect to bat 3rd, 4th, 5th or 6th.  You will play and you will bat, but do not have expectations.  Don't take it for granted that you are the superstar of this team and that your guaranteed a spot in the lineup because you "arrived" for the game. 

I'm not into that anymore.  People call me and tell me they want to win.  People complain that they don't get enough playing time or enough at bats.  Whatever happened "for the good of the team?"  What happened to being a team player?  We never lost a game because we had too many people batting.  Take a look at the game we lost and I'll prove to you that there was not one time that because we had eleven people batting in the lineup that we lost.  We lost because we didn't hit.  If we hit, those same people complaining about at-bats would have gotten an extra at bat because we would have been hitting.  It all goes hand in hand.

Funny thing is, just like any other time, when one is doing well, there are no complaints.  But when one's weakness' or one falters because of their own inability to get he job done, that's when the complaining begins.  That's when the cracks in the armor begin to show.  Take a look in the mirror and tell me of you gave your all out effort and said to yourself in the end, I gave it my all and this time my all wasn't good enough.  Can everyone say that after a loss?  Can you even say that after we win?  I bet you can't.  I know I can.  Not because I'm the manager, but because every single week I show up on the field and I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I let it all hang out for everyone to know and see.  I can't say the same about everyone on this team.  Most of have cared for 2 seasons.  Do we still care going into season three together?

Journal Entry #1
March 15, 2006 -- I'm tired.  I'm tired of the whiners, complainers and bitches.  I'm tired of just doing enough to win or get by.  I want more.  I want it all.  I'm motivated.  I'm motivated to win.  But I need help.  I need teammates that are willing to sacrifice for the good of the team their egos and their abilities to win it all for this team, our team.  Who on this team is willing to do that?

Only time will tell which one of us is willing to sacrifice and which one of us won't.  I've learned over the past few months that in life there are times that you realize that in order to progress to the next level or to move on in life, you must change.  It doesn't have to be great change.  It doesn't have to be a change in which you are no longer the person you once were, but enough that you progress beyond from where you once were to a new place that is better and more rewarding.  That kind of change doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen.  If you want it to.  But only your own self reflection can put the wheels in motion.

I as the manager of this team must also change.  I am willing to look at things differently and accept change.  I think as a manager, I've been a little too sensitive to people's feelings and their approach to the game and things like that.  I must be more demanding and I must be less tolerable of mistakes and less tolerant of lack of effort.  But at the same time, those people who are doing those things must change within themselves to step it up.  That is the challenge.  Can you accept me being more demanding and in turn can you accept the challenge and step it up on the field?  Only time will tell.